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A routine, lifeless, cool peck? Or a passionate, erotic, steamy smooch? The first response describes stereotypically dull, post-honeymoon marital intimacy. The second depicts electrifying, full-body expressions of lifelong sensuality between husband and wife. Sadly, reality confirms the stereotype: Average marital kissing habits are dry — and destructive. David Clarke bluntly writes that passionate kissing fades in per cent of marriages. Supporting this statistic, a recent British Heart Foundation survey found that one in five married couples goes up to one week without kissing.
And for 40 per cent of the survey respondents, the few-and-far-between kisses last no longer than five seconds. Rather, give your marriage the gift of exhilarating intimacy, in and out of the bedroom. Read on to learn the whys and hows of kissing your way toward a spicier relationship. Even if it were all in the lips, author Sheril Kirshenbaum remains optimistic. This means that lips are extremely sensitive, so a single sensual kiss rouses a great deal of neurotransmitter and hormone activity.
For instance, a spike in dopamine increases pleasure and longing, elevated oxytocin fosters bonding and rising serotonin boosts feelings of contentment.
In turn, a study conducted by Arizona State University professor Kory Floyd shows that bodily pleasure translates into marital satisfaction. His intriguing research reveals that when couples increased their kissing during a six-week period, their cholesterol and stress-levels lowered and their relationship satisfaction rose.
As a bonus, science suggests that men transfer testosterone through their saliva! Since testosterone raises libido in men and women, swapping saliva can elevate sexual desire. Needless to say, while kissing feeds desire and can prime you and your spouse for more physical intimacy, it need not always lead to intercourse. Good kissing bonds a couple. Poor kissing threatens to erode marital intimacy. But they should be only part of a balanced diet. On their own, these lifeless kisses can result in a malnourished marriage. If you liked this article and would like to go deeper, we have some helpful resources below.
Free advice on marriage, parenting and Christian living delivered straight to your inbox. Get Involved Pray for us Share your story Make a donation. Support Focus Help us reach families across Canada Reasons to give. We recommend. More from Focus. Why kiss?
How not to kiss Good kissing bonds a couple. The Poofy Lip Kiss: Husband and wife stand a few feet away with two sets of poofed lips stretched out, struggling for a point of contact. The Sound Effect Kiss: Husband and wife stand across the room from each other and one spouse purses their lips to make a kiss sound. As passionate lovers, husband and wife should move beyond this impersonal salutation. Without proper prioritization, the ardent embrace and flirtatious smooch dissolve into a hand wave and a peck for a couple overwhelmed by the pressures of kids, bills and busyness.
But if erotic kissing occurs only preceding intercourse, Clarke flags this as a " huge mistake and a of decreasing passion. Put your body into it: Is "make-out touching" a lost art in your marriage? A "full-body, all-the-right-parts-touching, sensual hug is part of a great kiss," Clarke writes.
Try using your arms to embrace your husband or wife. Touch their face, back, shoulders and legs. Greet with a kiss: The way you greet your spouse sets the tone for the rest of the evening.
Start the night right with a second kiss, which Clarke says breaks the mold of saying "How are you? Maybe it causes you physical or emotional discomfort.
Or maybe you think your husband or wife is a bad kisser. Rather than reing yourself to a kiss-less marriage, Wells suggests having an open discussion with your spouse, approaching the subject from a "learning" perspective to avoid blame or embarrassment. Reverse roles, then discuss your preferences. Open your eyes: Make kissing an eye-opening experience — literally! Will it be awkward at first?
Plus, eyes-open kissing keeps you in the present. Her mind habitually scanned her to-do list, or even fantasized about romantic film scenes. Focus on quantity and quality: Rhett Butler, iconic romantic hero in Gone With the Windsweeps his lover into his arms saying, "You should be kissed, and often — and by someone who knows how. Make it your goal to frequently shower your husband or wife with the best kisses you can.
When you think one peck will do, opt for "lingering and multiple kisses," Clarke advises. Focusing on quantity and quality maintains a steady flow of romantic feelings so there are no more dry spells in your marriage.
In fact, the second verse in the Song references smooching: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! On the days you feel hurt, frustrated or angry, Clarke advises that you kiss anyway. Cara Plett is an in-house writer for Focus on the Family Canada.
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